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二○一九年十月十九日/十月二十日                                                                                       Click here for English version

當分歧令人困擾……

陳劍雲牧師

人際間持續的分歧、兩極化的主張,難免構成關係上的困擾。在困擾底下,藏著受傷、痛心、失望、訝異和憤怒等多種感受。因為這分歧的性質,可能不只是對事情的理解和立場,還包含倫理原則和價值觀的差異,對基督徒來說,更可能涉及到有沒有違反教理和屬靈的品格。或許,我們可嘗試用以下的步驟去處理。

1. 將感受帶到神面前:感受是真實的,是不容否定的。然而,人在強烈的情緒下最容易犯錯,甚至行惡。因此,我們不宜急速向人宣泄感受。我們需要先向神訴說,寫下來,為情緒命名、為分歧定位,並求神保守自己,免得情緒陷入敵對的思想和言行中。

2. 求神鑒察提醒:感受沒有對錯,對事情的理解和判斷,以至對價值、原則和教理的理解,卻有好壞、對錯和是否整全之分。人傾向相信自己是良善的、正確的,容易以為自己在各方面都比別人認識得更深、更真和更全面,以致急於要駁到別人,我們不要讓這種衝動勝過自己。完全無瑕的聖子耶穌以謙卑的心順服父神的旨意,最終顯明祂所行的都是出於真理。我們既然不是完全人,更需要效法主的謙卑,求神鑒察和提醒。求神提醒我們,有沒有誤解別人、有沒有輕信傳言或片面的資訊,以至有沒有自以為義。主必會幫助我們,免我們在自己眼中有樑木時,卻去指斥別人眼中有刺(太七 1-5)。

3. 倚靠主聆聽和勸說:若果我們存誠實謙卑的心作出省察後,仍認定需要提醒和勸說他人,讓我們倚靠主去行。我們要設法當面溝通,實踐雅各書所說的「快快地聽,慢慢地說」(雅一 19),以溝通表明重視彼此的關係,用聆聽來澄清誤解、增進了解。也許,要虛心求教的,其實是自己。此外,我們的言語「要常常帶著和氣,好像用鹽調和」(西四 6),意思就是用機智和溫文的態度去勸說。溫柔和謙遜是屬天的智慧之特徵,締造和平的人必先制服自己的舌頭、謹慎自己的言詞(參雅各書三章)。最重要的是,所說的一切,都是出於愛。

弟兄姊妹,道德判斷能力和屬靈的品格都是經年累月在群體中謙卑地操練、在日常生活中受考驗而成,教理的認識也需要隨著年日更新、去蕪存菁。當分歧令我們困擾時,讓我們在聖靈裡反求諸己,從而在基督裡成長。




Pastor's Sharing
When Differences Make Us Disturbed…
Rev Lawrence Chan

Continued differences and antagonism in society have unavoidably led to headaches in interpersonal relationships. With the headaches come wounds, heartbreaks, despair, shock and anger – all because the differences in question are not just about understanding of, or stance on, the issue, but also involve ethical principles and values. And to Christians, spiritual character and compliance with doctrines may also be involved. What shall we do? Try the following:

1. Take our feelings to God: Feelings are genuine and undeniable. However, it is under strong feelings that we are most vulnerable to mistakes, even evil doings. Therefore, it is not advisable to readily vent our frustrations on others. Why not first take our sentiments to God, write them down, name our sentiments, and position our disagreements. Ask God to watch over us so our strong feelings will not deteriorate into antagonistic thoughts, words or actions.

2. Ask God to search and remind us: There is nothing right or wrong about sentiments. But our understanding and judgment on an issue, as well as understanding of certain values, principles and doctrines, can be good or bad, right or wrong, comprehensive or partial. People tend to believe that they are good and right. They are inclined to think that they know more than others in all areas and that their knowledge is more genuine and comprehensive. They are therefore eager to refute others on the spot. We should not succumb to such rash reaction. The impeccable Lord Jesus humbly obeyed the will of the Father and showed at the end of the day that He did what He did out of the truth. None of us is impeccable. We all the more need to imitate the Lord's humility and ask God to search and remind us. May God remind us to reflect on whether we have misunderstood others or hastily believed in hearsay or partial information so we become self-righteous. The Lord will help us so we will not look at the speck of sawdust in a brother's eye while ignoring the plank in our own eye (Matthew 7:1-5).

3. Rely on God when listening and exhorting: If, after honest and humble self-reflection, we are still convinced that we need to remind or exhort others, let us rely on God in doing so. We should do our best to talk in person and practice what the Epistle of James describes as "quick to listen, slow to speak" (James 1:19). Let us communicate in order to show the importance we attach to our relationships. Let us listen to clarify misunderstandings and advance understanding. We may find, after all, that the one who needs to humbly ask to be taught is oneself. Moreover, "Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt" (Colossians 4:6). That means we exhort with swiftness and a gentle attitude. Gentleness and humility are characteristics of heavenly wisdom. A peacemaker must first tame his own tongue and watch his own words (James 3). Most important of all, whatever we say must be out of love.

Dear brothers and sisters, moral judgment and spiritual character are the result of years of humble training in community and tests in daily life. Our understanding of doctrines also needs to be renewed with the passage of time, with correct understanding being retained and incorrect ones removed. When differences make us disturbed, let us in the Holy Spirit seek a solution that begins with ourselves, and by means of that achieve greater maturity in Christ.