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宣信博士一生經歷過許多與自我爭鬥的心靈掙扎，因此他長年的渴慕是「非我惟主」（Not I, but Christ），他寫的這首詩歌道：「非我惟主，受人敬愛和尊崇，非我惟主，被人傳揚稱頌，非我惟主，顯在言語和行動……」又說：「求主拯救我脫離自己，溶合在祢裡面」（to be lost in Thee）。他實在是以自己的生命，詮釋了「我已經與基督同釘十字架，現在活著的不再是我，乃是基督在我裡面活著」（加二 19-20）。
The Pursuit of Christ
Rev Gordon Siu
We all have longings and expectations. These desires consciously or unconsciously steer our choices and directions in life. Longings are often associated with our deficiency experiences when we grow up: those who lacked love when growing up will seek it as a remedy at all costs; those who are despised since they were young will do all they can to stand above the rest. Such cravings from the bottoms of our hearts will give happiness and satisfaction when the goals are finally attained, but the happiness would soon dry up, and we would long for more.
Years ago at a camp for pastors on spiritual disciplines, we were asked to write down our hopes for the future, especially ministries after retirement. We were then asked to share our thoughts with the participants around us. Seated next to me was a female pastor who just had started her pastoral ministry not long ago. I told her that after my retirement, I hoped to consolidate my experience and do what I can to groom young pastors. Then she told me, "I hope that the more I serve, the less of myself and more of Christ I will see in me." Since then, what she said became my deep longing as well. I began to understand that if I make whatever accomplishment but not Christ Himself the greatest craving at the bottom of my heart, I will never be satisfied.
Dr. A. B. Simpson went through lots of spiritual struggles with his self all his life. Therefore, his longing had always been "Not I, But Christ." The hymn goes like this: "Not I but Christ be honored, loved, exalted; Not I but Christ be seen, be known and heard; Not I but Christ in every look and action…" and "O to be saved from myself, dear Lord! O to be lost in Thee!" Dr. Simpson did illustrate Galatians 2:20 with his own life: "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me."
While following Jesus, our self too easily merges with the world and we make worldly success, reputation and the satisfaction of lust our greatest desires. Or, we may rely on and be proud of certain abilities of the self in a way that we are actually promoting ourselves while serving God. Paul said: "I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord…" (Philippians 3:8). Of course, not all things on earth are a loss, but if our quest for them undermines our longing for Christ and imposes an obstacle in our pursuit of God, then our lives suffer loss.
But isn't it true that the love, respect and affirmation I lack are my genuine needs? We need to know that God is our Lord and apart from Him we have no good thing. If I am prepared to surrender to His will until I make knowing God, obeying Him and exalting Him truly the greatest longing of my heart – even without personal success, respect or love, then God will bestow on me the greatest treasure in life: Christ Himself.