二○二一年三月二十日/二十一日                                                                                                          Click here for English




專家說,我們大多數的問題都是源於關係的破裂。1 福音已重建我們與神和肢體的關係,2 神藉著基督使我們與祂自己和好,並且把這和好的職分賜給我們(林後五 18)。因此,傷痛時,我們可以向神和弟兄姊妹尋求幫助。

你或會說:「我試過和其他團友分享內心的掙扎,他們卻以教訓的口吻回應,使我很受傷害……」這種「黑夜」的經歷,其實是邁向成熟生命的階梯。換個角度,這「黑夜」是神對你的邀請,邀請你回到祂的跟前,向祂赤露敞開(來四 13),經歷祂恩慈的醫治,然後再進入群體當中。

我樂於參與傷健團契,這個群體並不完美,但我們卻常在裡面經歷神的醫治,也常看見與人相處的真摯。3 有一位弟兄問小組成員:「我說話這麼慢、這麼長,你們會否覺得我很煩?」組長溫和地說:「放心,我們不覺得你煩,但你說話長不是因為你說話慢,是你要學習講重點,你試下不要把細節描述得太仔細……」這弟兄欣然接受建議。這是我們渴望的深交,不逃避個人的脆弱,不假裝問題不存在,接受提醒。

  1. 1. 聆聽:對方所講的事對他本人和你都是重要的。衷心聆聽,不急於糾正。靠著聖靈的啟迪,細看天父在對方生命中的同在與作為。
  2. 2. 對質:當對方的分享出現言行不一時,以尊重的語氣尋求澄清,探索矛盾背後的原因。
  3. 3. 鼓勵:對方常需要鼓勵,甚至是在失敗時,你的鼓勵都能增強他的心靈力量。
  4. 4. 同禱:讓聖靈在雙方的生命中滋養與成長。
  5. 5. 界線:設定深交而不造成過度倚賴的界線,互相尊重,建立真誠的主內友誼。

  6. 我和我的禱伴多年來一直彼此扶持。在我經歷父母親離世時,她在我身旁;在禱伴經歷兒子早產時,我在她身邊。我們不能解決問題,但我們看見神具體的臨在。懇請你禱告,求主賜下可與你深交的團組和肢體,讓你的傷痛在關係中得到醫治,與神與人親密相交。

    1 克萊布、艾倫德[L. Crabb & D. Allender]:《承載生命的深交:受傷者的希望》(Hope When You are Hurting),梁偉明譯(香港:天道,2007),頁 154。
    2 同上,頁 159。
    3同上,頁 167-68。
    4 潘怡蓉:《靈程同行者》(香港:證主,2020),頁 43-45。

    Pastor's Sharing
    Shepherding the Flock: Close Companionship for Sharing Life

    Rev Jenny Ching

    Where do you go to seek help when sorrow looms?

    According to experts, most of our problems are attributed to broken relationships.1 The gospel has restored our relationship with God and with other believers. God has reconciled us to Himself through Christ and given us the ministry of reconciliation (2 Corinthians 5:18). So, God and brothers and sisters are where we can go to when sorrow looms.

    You may say: “I have tried sharing my struggles with fellowship members but they tried to teach me this and that, which made me feel hurt….” Such “horrific experience” is actually a step towards maturity. Or look at it this way. Such bad experience is an invitation from God to return to Him with everything uncovered and laid bare before His eyes (Hebrews 4:13), to experience His healing and lovingkindness, and re-enter the church community.

    I enjoy the fellowship for the disabled. The group is far from perfect, but it is where we can often experience God's healing and the beauty of truthful companionship. A brother once asked his small group: "You see, I speak so slowly and for so long. Do you find me annoying? The group leader replied: "No worries, we don't find you annoying at all. Now you speak for so long not because you speak too slowly. What you really need is to learn to focus on the main points and leave behind some unessential details…." The brother gladly accepted the suggestion. This is the sort of close companionship we need. It does not avoid weaknesses nor pretend that problems never exist. Rather, reminders are accepted.

    The following five elements are conducive to close companionship: 2
    1. 1. Listen – What the other party says is important to him and to you. Listen sincerely. Do not rush into correcting mistakes. Rely on the inspiration of the Holy Spirit and watch out for the Heavenly Father's presence and work in the other person's life.
    2. 2. Confront – When coming across incongruity between the other party's speech and act, seek clarification with due respect. Try to understand the reason behind the contradiction.
      3. Encourage – We all need encouragement, even in times of failure. Your encouragement will lift the heart.
      4. Pray together – Let the Holy Spirit nurture and grow our lives.
      5. Set boundaries – Set boundaries for close companionship that would not become undue reliance. Respect each other. Build up sincere companionship in Christ.

    For many years, I and my prayer partner have been supporting each other. She was there when my parents passed away. I was there when she experienced the premature birth of her son. We could not solve our problems, but we saw God's vivid presence. Please do pray and ask God for a fellowship or group or a partner whom you can have close spiritual companionship with, so that your pain can be healed through the relationship and that you can have a close relationship with God and with man.

    1 L. Crabb & D. Allender, Hope When You are Hurting, Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1996.
    2 Y. J. Pan, Spiritual Companionship in Life Journey, Hong Kong: Christian Communications Ltd, 2020