牧者心聲
確診感恩事件簿
程續戰牧師
2023 年 5 月 20 日 / 21 日
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一覺醒來，心裡充滿感恩之情，原來睡得飽足是那麼令人欣喜和滿足。執筆當天是我確診的第五天，之前因著不停的咳嗽和鼻塞，以致身體雖然疲累，但也難以成眠。我今天體會到，睡覺原來可以帶來無限的喜悅，但這體驗並不是必然，也不能靠自己可以辦到，這確實是深愛我的恩主所賜的上好賞賜，主的愛給我加添了動力，要我記下祂的恩惠。
世界衛生組織於 5 月 5 日宣布不再將新冠疫情列為國際公共衞生緊急事件，就在翌日，我卻確診了，這也是我體驗主愛的開始，祂原來時刻都關注著我。回望確診當天，我沒有想像中那樣驚訝，心裡反而難得的平靜，這與得悉家人確診時的震驚截然不同，主用了三年時間預備我坦然面對自己的確診！另外，我發現這週似乎較「適合」自己去確診。確診前，主賜我力量和聲音完成帶領週四晚的祈禱會。過去三年，我常害怕會因自己確診而要加重其他教牧同工的工作量，但確診的那個週末，我沒有講台上的服事，天父似乎連我不想加重同工負擔這一點也考慮到，這令我確信發生在自己身上的事並不是偶然，我的一生都在主的手中（詩三十一 15）。寫到這裡，淚珠幾乎奪眶而出 ⋯⋯
「你發燒啊，38.3度，辛苦嗎？有沒頭暈或想嘔吐？如有不適，馬上告訴我們。」護士溫柔的問候，使我感到溫暖。我因發燒而全身痠軟、疼痛和疲累，但很感恩，我回家服藥後便能倒頭大睡了。另一天，病情進入第二階段，只有微燒，但喉嚨很痛，睡著後也因痛楚而被弄醒。再跟著的一天，我不停地咳嗽，那一晚不知道輾轉反側了多少次，身體疲倦得彷彿爬起床的能力也沒有了，心裡不期然地問怎麼辦？然後心中不斷禱告﹕「主啊，求你開恩可憐我這個罪人。」主真的聽到了，祂說了幾次同樣的話﹕「這是必經之路，但我在！」半睡半醒中，我感受到很大的安慰和力量，既然這是必經之路，而主又和我同在，我就接受吧！我感到主給我力量接受繼續咳嗽、繼續輾轉反側，但內心卻是平安的，不知不覺，晨曦已喚醒我。由這天起，我的咳嗽和喉痛便慢慢減退了，能夠入睡了。擱筆之時，已是我確診的第七天，主使我康復了。
深願時刻陪伴我們的主耶穌賜下醫治和安慰，讓患病的肢體和親友盡快康復，讓我們一起體驗主無微不至的眷顧。
Last month, the Alliance Bible Seminary organized a conference on "Molding the Future of Hong Kong Churches." I had the opportunity to offer my observations and suggestions on the issue of "Temporary Shortage of Church Leaders under the Emigration Wave in Hong Kong." I would also like to share them with the NPAC family here.
The other day when I woke up, my heart was full of gratitude. A night's sound sleep gave me such joy and satisfaction. At the time of writing, it is the fifth day after I was confirmed COVID positive. Before that, I could hardly sleep even though my body was tired due to non-stop coughing and nasal congestion. Today, I realize that sleep could bring infinite joy, and yet this experience is nothing to be taken for granted. There was nothing I could do to make it happen. It is indeed a great blessing from the gracious God who deeply loves me. The Lord’s love gives me motivation to recount His grace.
The World Health Organization declared on May 5 that COVID no longer constitutes a public health emergency of international concern. I was confirmed positive the next day. But that day also marked the beginning of my experience of God’s love. He watches over me every moment. Looking back on the day I was confirmed positive, I was not as shocked as I had imagined. My heart was unusually calm and peaceful. It was very different from my shock when I knew of my family’s infection. The Lord used three years to prepare me to calmly face my own infection! I also found that this was the week that was relatively most "suitable" for my confirmed infection. Just before this, the Lord gave me the strength and voice to complete leading the prayer meeting on Thursday night. In the past three years, I often worried that any COVID infection on my part would increase the workload of fellow pastors. But in the weekend I was confirmed positive, I did not need to preach or lead the congregation. The Heavenly Father seemed to have taken into account even my unwillingness to add to my co-workers' workload. This convinced me that what happened to me was not random. My times are in the Lord’s hands (Psalm 31:15). As I write this, I almost burst into tears…
"You have a temperature – 38.3 degrees. Is this tough for you? Are you dizzy or do you feel like vomiting? Let us know if you feel unwell," the nurse asked gently and I could feel the warmth. Due to my fever, I had soreness, pain and fatigue all over my body. But very thankfully, I fell into deep sleep after taking the medicine when I went home. The next day, the sickness entered Phase II. I only had a slight fever but the pain in my throat was so severe that it interrupted my sleep. The day after that, I coughed non-stop. I tossed and turned throughout the night and my body was so exhausted that I felt as if I was not even able to get up. I asked myself: What should I do? Then I prayed time and again: “Lord, have mercy on me, a sinner.” The Lord really heard it, and He said the same thing a few times: “This is the path you must go through, but I am here!” Half awake, I could feel great comfort and strength. Since this is the path I must go through and the Lord is with me, I will accept it! I could feel that the Lord gave me strength to accept the continuous coughing, tossing and turning, but I had peace in my heart. Soon I awakened at daybreak. From that day onwards, my cough and throat soreness slowly subsided, and I could sleep again. When I finished writing, it was Day 7 of my infection. The Lord has restored my health.
May the Lord Jesus who keeps us every moment bestow healing and comfort so that brothers and sisters and our families who are ill could recover speedily. May we experience the meticulous care and keeping of the Lord together.
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