牧者心聲
為父的，要懂得⋯⋯
莊明偉牧師
2023 年 6 月 17 日 / 18 日
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「爸爸，雖然我鬧你，但我都好愛你的啊！」孩子們漸漸長大，進入青春期，從前通常都會服從你的指令，現在卻不時頂撞幾句；不管你指引的路向對他們有多好，他們都不聽不從。作父親的權威好像受損了，兒女似乎想慢慢取回自主權了，然而，為父的，要學懂接受轉變。
父親不是聖人，也會犯錯。我記得自己也曾試過動怒，對孩子發過脾氣，事後當然很後悔，會在神面前懺悔，但我仍是要跟孩子道歉的。我在孩子面前雖然有權柄，可是做錯事後卻也要必須承認。為父的，要學懂說「對不起」。
父親不是巨人，但爸爸在孩子心目中很容易會有巨人的形象。父親在孩子幼時便開始教他們各樣生活技能，又要在家充當補習老師，更要在外賺錢養家，孩子們很容易會把父親當成他們第一位「偶像」。儘管如此，爸爸也會有困難、辛苦、疲乏的時候，其實，在孩子面前有時候是不用「裝」的，只要坦誠表現自己的負面狀況，反而可讓孩子慢慢學懂體諒別人的軟弱，更會懂得回應別人的需要。為父的，要學懂表達自己的軟弱。
有時父親會想抓住子女一生經過的每個階段，想確保他們能度過每個生命的難關。孩子缺乏的，爸爸會想補足；孩子闖禍了，爸爸會想代替受罪；甚至孩子還未開口表達需求，爸爸便可能已經供給了。試想想，這樣的孩子，到底能否長得大呢？他們將來遇到困難時會否不懂得怎樣解決呢？他們甚至可能連自己想要甚麼也不會知道。父親不能代替神在他們心中的位置，怎樣引導他們倚靠神、經歷神，確實很重要。為父的，要學懂放手。
華人父親向兒女表達愛，一般是透過買東西，或是陪伴兒女作各樣活動等，這一切固然重要，但一句表達愛的說話、一個擁抱這種簡單直接的方法，對方很可能反更容易接收得到。我曾聽過不少弟兄姊妹說，自己的父親很嚴肅，令他們難以靠近。其實我們很多時候是透過父親的形象去領悟神的屬性，假若父親能表現出他的權柄，卻又很願意表達愛和憐憫，相信孩子們會更能清晰體會神的性情，特別是神的慈愛。為父的，要學懂說：「我愛你。」
願父親們都在神裡面支取力量、愛心和智慧，幫助子女成長，也甚願我們的兒女一生都能在耶穌的恩典和愛中走當行的道。
"Dad, call it my reproach of you but I still love you loads!" Children grow up gradually and enter puberty. They used to obey your instructions and now they will confront you from time to time. No matter how good the direction you point them to, they do not listen to or obey you. The authority as a father seems to be undermined as children try to gradually have their autonomy back. As fathers, we need to learn to accept changes.
No fathers are perfect and we make mistakes, too. I remember I had got mad before and lost my temper with my children. Surely I deeply regretted afterwards and I confessed to God. Still, I had to apologize to my children. Although I have authority in front of my children, I must still admit the mistakes I make. As fathers, we need to learn to say "sorry."
Fathers are no giants either, much though their children like to think about them as one. When the children are young, fathers teach them various life skills and serve as tutors at home. They are also a breadwinner for the family. Children can easily make their father their first “idol.” Be that as it may, there are also times when fathers find life difficult, hard to bear or tiring. The fact is, fathers need not "pretend" before their children. We need only to frankly reveal our negative conditions. That will help our children gradually learn to be considerate of others' weaknesses. They will also know how to respond to other people's needs. As fathers, we need to learn how to express our weaknesses.
Sometimes, fathers would want to take control of every stage of their children's life to make sure they can tackle every crisis in life. What the children need, the father wants to provide. When the children get into trouble, the father would want to bear the bad consequences on their behalf. Fathers may provide even before the children bring up their needs. But think about it. Can children ever grow up this way? Will they be able to solve their own problems in future? Frankly, they may not even know what they want. Fathers cannot take the place of God in their children's hearts. How to guide them to trust in and experience God is of utmost importance. As fathers, we need to learn to let go.
Chinese fathers usually express love for their children through buying them things or accompanying them on various activities. This is no doubt important. But children would probably get their message more easily through a simple, direct word of love or a hug. I have heard many brothers and sisters say that their father is very serious and difficult to approach. But very often, we try to understand the attributes of God through the image of the father. If fathers can show authority on the one hand but be willing to express love and mercy on the other, I believe the children will experience God’s character more clearly, particularly His lovingkindness. As fathers, we need to learn to say "I love you."
May the fathers among us help their children grow up, drawing on the strength, love and wisdom from God. May our children walk on the right path under the grace and love of Jesus all through their lives.
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