牧者心聲
祈禱中聆聽
林道川牧師
2024 年 8 月 3 日 / 4 日
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回顧自己學習祈禱的歷程， 是從ACTS（Adoration-敬拜讚美，Confession-認罪，Thanksgiving-感恩，Supplication-祈求）方程式開始的，雖然知道祈禱是與神溝通，但祈禱的焦點卻多是單方面向神表達自己的需求與關注，及至後來蒙召全時間事奉主，仍然是一貫的向神單向地說話。
然而有一次自己經驗了人生最低谷的痛苦，身心靈被過去所受的傷害綑得動彈不得。我向神表達內心的痛苦，而就在那個當下，我感受到主——祂就坐在我的右手邊，靜靜的陪著我、看著我，眼中盡是對我的心疼與關切，我領會到祂要帶領我走生命的療癒道路⋯⋯現在回顧那一幕，仍然會使我潸然淚下，而那天的經歷令我明白主也渴望向我表達祂自己。從此，我就踏上了學習在祈禱中聆聽主的道路。
我與許多弟兄姊妹一樣，經歷過主透過放置在我腦海中的聖經說話或意念向我說話，感受過出自己意外的平安而明瞭某個選擇是出於主，也曾在夢中領會過主對我的心意，在服事和生活中體會過祂的臨在與陪伴。這些來自主言語和非言語的表達，使我逐漸體悟祈禱是與主的雙向溝通：當我向主表達之後，主也會渴望向我表達祂自己。此外，這些經驗也慢慢拓寬了我對主回應祈禱的體會：原來主不單要在我們的人生中作出提醒（指出我們的過錯）和指引（指示祂的方向與心意），祂也安慰、鼓勵、療癒、陪伴和加力予我們，甚至表達對我們的喜歡與愛。
由此看來，祈禱是與主的會晤、相遇、邂逅，而這也讓我碰觸到自己內心深處要與主建立更親密關係的渴望。過去「信主就穩妥在救恩裡」、「是否求得所求」等同「神是否聽我的禱告」等信念與想法，都阻礙了我看見祈禱其實是一種關係——主與我的關係，其中最深處的，是主對我的渴望和我對祂的渴望，是我們對彼此的情感，特別是我們相互的喜愛⋯⋯從這個覺醒，我開始慢慢學著從想要主的恩賜走向想要主自己，並與祂發展一種有意識的愛的關係。
寫到這裡，不禁自問：我們可以怎麼聆聽到主呢？經驗告訴我，不要用任何方法去掌控主的回應，我們惟一可做的，就是對主保持開放的心態，讓祂來帶領我們去明白祂要對我們說的話，經歷祂所應許的：「凡祈求的，就得著；尋找的，就找到；叩門的，就給他開門」（太七8，和修版）。
When I look back at my journey of learning to pray, I began with the ACTS formula (Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving & Supplication). While knowing that prayer is communicating with God, my focus was often on telling God my needs and concerns in a one-way process. Later, when I was called into full-time ministry, I still adhered to one-direction speaking to God.
Then came the time when I experienced the pain of the deepest valley of my life. My body, heart and spirit were paralyzed by the wounds of the past. I told God about my pain and at that very moment, I felt that the Lord was there – He was sitting on my right, quietly accompanying and looking at me. I could see compassionate love and care in His eyes. I understand that He was leading me on the path of healing of my life… Looking back now, I still feel like crying. The experience that day let me understand that the Lord very much wanted to express Himself to me. Since then, I started to learn to listen to God in prayer.
Like many brothers and sisters, I have experienced God speaking to me through some Scriptures or biblical concepts in my mind. I have felt peace surpassing all understanding which lets me know that a certain choice is from the Lord. I have also come to know the will of God in my dreams, and I have felt His presence and company in my ministry and daily life. These expressions from the Lord, whether verbal or otherwise, let me gradually understand that prayer is a two-way communication. When I have expressed myself to the Lord, He would also wish to express Himself to me. All of this gradually increased my understanding of how the Lord answers prayer. Not only does He remind us in our lives (by pointing out our mistakes) and give us guidance (on His direction and will), He also comforts, encourages, heals, accompanies and gives us strength. He even tells us what He likes about us and His love for us.
So, prayer is a meeting, an encounter, a good time with God. This reveals a strong desire deep in my heart to establish a more intimate relationship with God. The past beliefs and thoughts that "faith means assurance of His saving grace" and "whether I get what I ask for" reflect "whether God listens to my prayer" obstruct my understanding that prayer is really a relationship – the relationship between the Lord and me, with the deepest part being the Lord's longing for me and my longing for Him. It is about our love, our mutual love… Since this awakening, I gradually learnt to move from desiring His blessings to desiring the Lord Himself and developed a conscious love relationship with Him.
At this point of writing, I cannot help but ask myself: How then can we listen to the Lord? Experience tells me that we cannot use any methods to control the Lord's response. The only thing we can do is to keep our hearts open to the Lord and let Him lead us to understand what He is telling us, and to experience His promise: "For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened" (Matthew 7:8).
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