牧者心聲
祝願闔家聖誕快樂
韓子卿牧師
2024 年 12 月 14 日 / 15 日
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聖誕節除了慶祝主耶穌降生之外，在西方國家也是家人共聚的美好時刻。但近年，婚姻制度面臨前所未有的挑戰，這個意義已漸漸褪色了，我們正在打的是一場慘烈的家庭保衛戰。離任在即，本來想寫些感謝的話，但在最後一年，家庭問題個案依舊頻生，我實在忍不住要在這題目上再表達一下我的感受。
我和太太當年結婚時一切講求簡單，只希望不要打搞太多人，所以沒有兄弟姊妹團，妹妹做司機載我去接新娘，太太只有幾位最親密的姊妹送嫁，人少，卻很溫暖。晚宴只邀請家人和幾位賓客，太太一向樸素，只穿一套簡單的旗袍，賓客認不出她是新娘，竟問她：「你哪位家姐結婚？」這成了我們日後常提起的笑話。教堂的婚禮也盡量簡樸，用的是循環再再再用的裝飾，攝影是由兩位弟兄幫手，但沒想到一開始就坐滿了整座灣仔堂，非常熱鬧，連未信主的親友也很投入，我們很感受到親友、弟兄姊妹的愛和支持。婚禮不是最重要，婚姻才是。
我跟太太都是非常「有原則」的人，所以婚後經常「打那美好的仗」，二人都渴望有彼此信任的人來幫助我們，但卻總找不到，直至我們決定去見婚姻輔導，就開始後悔為甚麼不早一點見！此後每有難解的結，我們都會找輔導。後來每次鼓勵有婚姻困難的夫婦去見輔導時，我們總常聽到一方會這樣說：「是他／她有問題需要見，我沒問題，不需要輔導。」我得要勸大家：請謙卑一點！
不少夫婦到了開始鬧離婚，才來找牧者，而且總是帶著這個印象：「你的目的不過是想勸我們不要離婚吧？」也有些夫婦靜靜離了婚也不告知牧者，當然以後就在教會消失了。他們可能沒有想過牧者對他們投入過多少感情，好些是替他們做婚前輔導、作證婚人，入住新居時為他們的新居祈禱，也有看著他們的兒女出生、並跟他們一起玩、陪著他們長大的。我們很希望可以與這些夫婦的家庭同行，婚前輔導時我經常會說，這輔導的保養期是一世的，所以一有困難，就隨時來找我們維修啦！希望大家可以明白牧者的一片苦心。
聖誕是闔家團聚的日子，希望大家都珍惜這個家，因為裡面有我們所愛、或曾經一起許下山盟海誓的人，要好好呵護他們，不要令他們受到傷害。衷心希望大家每一年聖誕都可以完完整整的一家團聚，快樂地過每一個聖誕節。
Christmas is a time to celebrate the birth of the Lord Jesus. In Western countries, it is also a wonderful time for family gatherings. Nevertheless, in recent years, the institution of marriage has faced unprecedented challenges, and this meaning has gradually faded. We engage in a bitter war to defend the family. As I will be leaving the pastorate soon, I had wished to write words of thanks. But in view of the numerous cases of family problems in the last year, I cannot help but express my feelings on this topic again.
My wife and I had a simple wedding back then. We did not want to bother too many people. So, we did not have bridesmaids or groomsmen. My younger sister drove me to receive the bride, and my wife was sent off by only a few sisters closest to her. Few people were involved, but it was warm. The dinner was attended by family members and a few guests. My wife has always been simple. She was dressed in a simple cheongsam. The guests could not recognize her as the bride and asked her: "Which of your sisters is getting married?" That has become a running joke between us since then. The wedding ceremony at church was also as simple as it could be. The decorations had been reused over and over again. Two brothers helped with photography. To our surprise, Wan Chai Church was filled to the brim from the start. Everyone including some non-believing relatives were actively engaged. We could feel the love and support of relatives, friends, brothers and sisters. What is truly important is not the wedding ceremony, but the marriage.
Both my wife and I are very "principled" people. We therefore often "fight the good fights" after getting married. We wished to have people we both trusted to help us but we could not find any. When we finally decided to seek marriage counseling, we regretted why we did not do that earlier! From then on, whenever we have issues that are difficult to resolve, we would seek counseling. Every time we encourage couples with difficulties in their marriage to seek counseling, we often hear one of them say, "It is him/her who has problems and who needs counseling. I have no problem. I do not need counseling." Allow me to advise you all: Please be more humble!
Many couples do not come to pastors until they are on the brink of divorce. And when they do come, they often assume, "Your purpose is just to persuade us not to divorce, right?" Some other couples quietly divorce without telling the pastors, and consequently disappear from the church afterwards. They probably have no idea how much love and care the pastor has invested in them. Some help them with premarital counseling, officiate their wedding, and bless their new home with prayers. Some also witness the birth of their children, play with them and accompany them as they grow up. We very much wish to walk with the families. During premarital counseling, I would often say this: The "maintenance period" of counseling is lifelong. Whenever a problem arises, do come back to us for "maintenance!" I hope you will understand the goodwill of pastors.
Christmas is a time for family togetherness. I hope we will all treasure the family because in it are those we love or those we have vowed to love forever. We really need to take good care of them and protect them from harm. I sincerely hope that everyone can have a reunion with your entire family every Christmas and joyfully celebrate every Christmas together.
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