牧者心聲
從《混沌少年時》反思家庭牧養
駱綺雯牧師
2025 年 4 月 26 日 /27 日
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近日網劇《混沌少年時》紅極一時，當中描述13歲少年Jamie涉嫌謀殺一位女同學。劇集反映了網絡文化、教育、家庭種種問題，發人深省，讓我們藉著幾個片段，反思今日的家庭牧養。
第一幕：爸爸你認識我嗎？
當Jamie在警署接受調查時，他矢口否認殺害同學，爸爸也相信非他所為。當警察展示閉路電視所錄影的行兇過程時，爸爸望著電腦屏幕，見到形似自己孩子的影像，就甚是震驚，難以置信。少年人成長的過程中，建立自己的個人形象和自主能力，容易與家長起衝突。面對自己「湊」大的孩子，家長往往覺得非常陌生。但在這階段，孩子不是「生人勿近」，只是青春期，體內荷爾蒙激活情緒，比較敏感，他們需要被明白、被接納，再溝通。家長的忍耐、陪伴、同行，十分重要。
第二幕：爸爸你認識我的文化嗎？
警察之後到學校了解案情，他透過在同校念書的兒子，揭發問題出在網絡世界。原來IG的表情符號，並非表面的單純，而是充滿嘲弄、欺凌。今天的網絡世界，異常複雜，無IG、Snapchat可能就等如無朋友，既然無法禁止孩子去接觸網絡世界，家長就要努力成為善用網絡的榜樣，及早與孩子討論上網的界線、時間，而不是到了無法控制時，就變成衝突的源頭。家長更要敏感孩子是否面對網絡欺凌，注意他們的情緒變化，適時的關心引導，這比出事後收拾殘局，更為重要。
第三幕：我是醜陋，無吸引力
當Jamie等候審訊時，心理學家來到感化中心，跟Jamie探討他對男性、性慾、生死的看法，她發現Jamie深感自己醜陋、無吸引力，情緒十分波動。當心理學家表示這是最後一次探訪，Jamie完全崩潰，雖然他不時挑戰心理學家的提問，但心靈深處，卻一直珍惜這段關係，心理學家所給予的一杯熱朱古力、半份三文治，代表「她關心我」。少年人表面反叛，但內心深處渴望得到愛，他們的情感發展比理性快，容易情緒主導，既想「話事」，又缺乏理性分析能力，家長需要明白，當他覺得「你好煩」時，不代表他不需要你。
在現今世代，作青少年人的家長，需要智力、心力，願主賜我們信心，靠著主與孩子同行成長路：
耶穌對他說：「『你若能』，在信的人，凡事都能。」孩子的父親立刻喊著說：「我信；求你幫助我的不信！」（可九23-24，和修版）
Recently, the web drama Adolescence has become extremely popular. It portrays the story of a 13-year-old boy named Jamie who is accused of murdering a female classmate. The series reflects various issues in internet culture, education, and family life, prompting deep reflection. Let us consider a few scenes from this drama to reflect on our approach to family pastoral care today.
Scene One: "Dad, Do You Really Know Me?"
When Jamie was being questioned at the police station, he firmly denied committing the murder of his classmate, and his father also believed it was not him who did that. However, when the police played a CCTV footage that showed the act of violence, the father looked at the screen in shock and disbelief upon recognizing a figure resembling his son. In the process of growing up, adolescents often experience conflict with their parents as they strive to establish their identity and autonomy. Parents often find their own children, whom they "raised" themselves, to be surprisingly unfamiliar. Yet, teenagers are not "unapproachable strangers" at this stage. It is only that their hormones heighten their emotions due to puberty, which makes them more sensitive. They need to be understood, accepted, and communicated with. Parents' patience, companionship, and willingness to walk alongside their children are essential.
Scene Two: "Dad, Do You Know My Culture?"
The police subsequently visited the school to investigate the case further. Through his son, who studied at the same school, the police officer discovered that the issue originated from the online world. It turned out the emojis on Instagram were not as simple as they seemed but carried meanings of mockery and bullying. The online environment today is exceptionally complex. Having no Instagram or Snapchat might mean having no friends. Since completely forbidding their children from using social media is not practical, parents need to model responsible internet use and discuss boundaries and screen time with their children as early as possible instead of waiting until it gets out of control and becomes a source of conflict. Moreover, parents need to stay alert to whether their children are facing cyberbullying. Paying attention to their children’s emotional fluctuations and offering timely care and guidance are far more important than dealing with the consequences afterward.
Scene Three: "I Am Ugly and Unattractive"
While Jamie awaited trial, a psychologist visited him at the correctional center. She explored Jamie's perspectives on male, sexuality, life and death. She discovered that Jamie deeply felt himself to be ugly and unattractive, with severe emotional instability. When the psychologist announced it would be her last visit, Jamie completely broke down. Although he often challenged the psychologist's questions, deep inside, he treasured their relationship. The hot chocolate and half sandwich the psychologist gave him meant "she cares about me." Adolescents may appear rebellious on the surface but, deep down, they long for love. Their emotional development often outpaces their rationality, making them prone to emotional decisions. They want "control" and yet they lack sufficient analytical skills. Parents must understand that when teenagers say "You're annoying," it does not mean they do not need you.
In today's world, being the parents of teenagers require wisdom and emotional strength. May the Lord grant us faith to accompany our children on their growth journey, relying on Him.
Jesus said, "'If you can'? Everything is possible for one who believes." Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!" (Mark 9:23-24)
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