牧者心聲

在人生最壞的時刻，有多少次，當拖著破碎的心來到上帝面前，得到的卻是沉默？以致許多人選擇將心冰封起來。我們熟悉的詩篇一二一篇明明在說：保護我們的神「不打盹，也不睡覺」，但在詩篇四十四篇，詩人卻喊出：「主啊，求你睡醒，為何儘睡呢？」這首充滿痛苦的哀歌，示範了神的子民如何在苦難中禱告。

展示真情一面

我們常誤以為禱告要「修飾」，要說正確、屬靈的話。但詩篇四十四篇教導我們的第一個功課是：禱告不是一場語言偽術，它是容納你最原始感受的安全之地。

詩篇四十四篇開頭雖然充滿對上帝昔日榮耀作為的讚美，但作用卻原來是為襯托今天的困境。詩人沒有試圖用敬虔的言詞包裝失望，而是直指上帝丟棄了他們，任由他們受辱、被擊敗。這種從讚美到抱怨的巨大反差，正揭示了禱告的真正本質，就是向上帝表達我們的真實感受，哪怕是憤怒或質疑，也是有效且深刻的禱告方式。

誠實的憤怒，比虛假的讚美更接近上帝。不要害怕將你的困惑與被遺棄的感覺，赤裸裸地攤在祂面前。

打破因果迷思

當災難降臨，不少人往往會自我審視：「我是不是做錯了甚麼，因而得著報應？」詩篇四十四篇提出了一個極具挑戰性的觀點：苦難並不必然是犯錯的結果。詩人嚴肅省察，預先排除了「隱而未現的罪」，然後勇敢地宣告：儘管遭逢這一切，我們的心沒有退縮，腳步也沒有偏離。

這挑戰了那個過於簡化的「善有善報，惡有惡報」公式。有時忠信的子民，依然可以經歷無法解釋的苦難。你的痛苦，不一定是你做錯事的證據。承認這一點，我們才能跳出自我定罪的漩渦，真實面對苦難本身。

始終抓住神

詩人寫道：「我們為你的緣故終日被殺。」（後來被保羅在羅馬書引用）。這讓我們看見，有時候苦難是為信仰付出的代價。而詩篇的結尾，並沒有停留在祈求環境變好，而是呼求上帝的慈愛——即上帝那種不受對方行為影響、永不改變的諾言。當環境崩塌時，我們抓住的不是一個解釋，而是上帝不變的品格。

已故資深傳媒人安迪．魯尼（Andy Rooney）曾說：「雖然我不能選擇我的感覺，但是我可以選擇我的反應。」面對災禍，我們無法不感到痛苦、不會大惑不解，但我們可以像詩人一樣，選擇在極大的張力中，依然抓住神，向祂尋問、呼求、盼望將來。

  How many times have you, in the worst of times, come before God with a broken heart, only to be met with silence? This leads many to keep their hearts frozen. The familiar Psalm 121 makes this clear: God who watches over us “will neither slumber nor sleep.” Still, the psalmist in Psalm 44 cries out: “Awake, Lord! Why do you sleep?” It is a painful lament that demonstrates how God’s people pray amid suffering.

  Show your true feelings: We tend to think that prayer must be “polished”, that we must say the right, spiritual words. Yet, the first lesson Psalm 44 teaches us is this: Prayer is not an art of untrue words. It is a safe place for our most honest feelings.
  The psalm begins with praise, recalling God’s glorious works in the past. Yet that praise only sets the stage for today’s predicament. The psalmist does not attempt to hide disappointment behind pious talk. Instead, he says directly that God has rejected them, letting them be shamed and defeated. The sharp shift from praise to complaint reveals the true nature of prayer, which is to express our authentic feelings to God. Even anger and doubt can be deep and effective prayer.
  Honest anger is closer to God than fake praise. Do not be afraid to lay bare before Him your confusion and sense of abandonment.

  Break the retribution myth: When disaster comes, many search their hearts. “Did I do something wrong? Is this my punishment?” Psalm 44 presents an extremely challenging view: Suffering is not necessarily the result of sin. The psalmist solemnly examined his heart and ruled out “hidden sin.” Then he boldly declares: Despite all this suffering, our hearts have not turned back; our steps have not strayed.
  This challenges the over-simplified formula of “Good brings good, bad brings bad.” Sometimes faithful believers still face suffering that cannot be explained. Your pain is not necessarily the proof of your wrongdoing. Knowing this, we can break free from the trap of self-blame, and we can face suffering for what it is.

  Hold on to God to the end:  The psalmist writes: “For your sake we face death all day long” (which was later quoted by Paul in Romans). This allows us to see that sometimes suffering is the price of faith. The psalm does not end with praying for better circumstances, but cries to God for His unfailing love – that is, God’s promise that does not depend on what people do, and that never changes. When life falls apart, we do not hold on to an explanation. We hold on to the unchanging character of God.
  The late veteran broadcast journalist Andy Rooney once said: “I can’t choose how I feel, but I can choose what I do about it.” In the face of disaster, we cannot help feeling deeply pained or utterly confused. However, like the psalmist, we can choose to hold on to God amid all the tension. We can seek Him out, cry out to Him, and keep hoping for what is to come.