牧者心聲

時光帶我回到 2010 年 3 月一個中午。陽光灑在床上的爸爸，他臉上的皺紋與病容清晰可見，心中有聲音跟我說：「他在世的日子不多了。」那段日子，爸爸因肺炎等疾病頻繁進出醫院，每次入院都像警號般提醒我：這次他能出院嗎？

除了不捨，我更記掛爸爸年輕時因壞見證離開了主，心中與耶穌隔著一道河。他對我說：「傳道人都是騙人的，你也加入了騙人的行列！」對此我無言回答。執筆時，天父提醒我爸爸年輕時在教會受過傷害，祂叮囑我要小心牧養，不要叫人因我而心中留下烙印。

感謝耶穌，祂逐步醫治爸爸的傷痕。許多個週二例假，我陪他複診、閒聊、互相逗笑；有時彼此爭吵，我會向他道歉：「老豆，我的態度不好，對不起！」他總以微笑回應。複診後的下午茶——一杯熱奶茶、一份三文治——是爸爸最愛的時光。漸漸地，天父讓他看見女兒並非他想像中的那樣「騙人」，也慢慢打開了他封閉的心。

就在 2010 年 3 月那個中午，我戰戰兢兢問爸爸：「老豆，如果你百年歸老，你希望將來見到我嗎？」我心裡掙扎，生怕他覺得我咒詛他。沒想到他回答：「我想再見到你！」我立刻說：「那麼，你要相信耶穌，如此我們才能日後在天家相見。」爸爸竟回應：「好，我相信耶穌！」我難以置信，立刻請陪我同去的姊妹進房，再次跟爸爸確認，簡單分享福音。爸爸在姊妹的見證下，一句一句跟我作了認罪決志的禱告。禱告後，他的面容輕鬆下來，相信是主的平安進入了他的心。

三個月後的 6 月 7 日，爸爸因急性肺炎回了天家。家人和我雖然難過和不捨，但主的應許成為我們的盼望：「復活在我，生命也在我。信我的人雖然死了，也必復活。」我深信，有一天必會在天家再見到爸爸。

天父是全知的神（約二十一 17）。2010 年 3 月，祂提醒我爸爸的日子不多了，但我並不知道只剩三個月，如果我當時拒絕天父的心意，沒有向爸爸傳福音，我不敢想像後果。

最近聽到一位弟兄分享：「向家人傳福音，就像看見大卡車要撞向他們，你必定會毫不猶豫地拉開他們，因為你愛他們的生命。」而福音所關乎的，不只是今生的平安，更是永恆的生命。因此，向家人分享福音，不是責任或壓力，而是愛與盼望，因為你真心渴望家人能認識主、並得著永生的恩典。

  Time carries me back to a noon in March 2010. Sunlight streamed onto the bed where Dad was lying. The wrinkles on his face and the signs of illness could be clearly seen. A voice within me said, “He doesn’t have much time left in this world.” During that period, Dad was frequently in and out of hospital because of pneumonia and other illnesses. Each hospital admission was like an alarm, reminding me: Would he be discharged from the hospital this time?

  Apart from the pain of having to part with him, I was even more concerned that Dad had left the Lord when he was young because of the bad witness of others. There was a river separating his heart from Jesus. He said to me, “Pastors are all frauds, and now you’ve joined their ranks too!” I had no answer for him. As I write this, the Heavenly Father reminds me that Dad had been hurt in church when he was young. He has also reminded me to be careful in shepherding others, so that no one will be left with a scar on their heart because of me.

  Thanks be to Jesus, who gradually healed Dad’s wounds. On many Tuesdays, my regular day off, I accompanied him to his medical appointments. We chatted, joked and made each other laugh. Sometimes we quarreled, and I would apologize to him: “Dad, my attitude wasn’t good. I’m sorry!” He would always respond with a smile. Afternoon tea after his medical appointments—a cup of hot milk tea and a sandwich—was Dad’s favourite time. Gradually, the Heavenly Father allowed him to see that his daughter was not the kind of “fraud” he had imagined, and slowly opened his closed heart.

  Then, at noon that day in March 2010, I asked Dad with trepidation, “Dad, when the day comes for you to pass away, would you like to see me again?” I struggled within myself, as I was worried that he might think I was cursing him. To my surprise, he replied, “I want to see you again!” I immediately said, “Then you need to believe in Jesus, so that we can meet again one day in our heavenly home.” To my surprise, Dad replied, “Sure. I believe in Jesus!” I could hardly believe it. I immediately asked the sister in Christ who had come with me to enter the room. I confirmed Dad’s decision with him once more and briefly shared the gospel. With the sister as a witness, Dad repeated after me, sentence by sentence, a prayer of repentance and commitment to Christ. After the prayer, his face relaxed. I believe the peace of the Lord had entered his heart.

  Three months later, on June 7, Dad went to be with the Lord after suffering from acute pneumonia. Although my family and I were deeply saddened and reluctant to part with him, the Lord’s promise became our hope: “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die.” I firmly believe that one day I will see Dad again in our heavenly home.

  The Heavenly Father is the all-knowing God (John 21:17). In March 2010, He reminded me that Dad did not have much time left, but I did not know that he had only three more months. If I had resisted the Heavenly Father’s prompting at that time and had not shared the gospel with Dad, I dare not imagine what the outcome might have been.

  Recently, I heard a brother share: “Sharing the gospel with our family is like seeing a large truck about to hit them. You would pull them out of the way without hesitation because you love their lives.” Yet, the gospel concerns not only peace in this life, but eternal life. Therefore, sharing the gospel with our family is not a responsibility or a burden, but an expression of love and hope, because we genuinely long for our family members to know the Lord and receive the grace of eternal life.